Andrew and Kathleen

We were lucky to share in Ivan and Angela's wedding day on Saturday, under brilliant sunshine in Vaucluse.

I'm under strict instructions from the bride not to call Ivan with work-related problems while they're away on their honeymoon. But surely if he didn't want to hear them, then he wouldn't be taking his mobile with him, would he?

Don't worry, Ange, everything is under control. Eeeeeverything is under control.

'Twas a bit of a shocker at Blockbuster on Friday night. Unfortunately, two of the three movies we rented turned out to be complete duds.

Kathleen was completely unimpressed with Bridget Jones 2, especially since the first one was actually quite witty and smart. This was just plain awful with a bizarre Thai jail subplot that left us scratching our heads and saying, "OMG, WTF?! BBQ!"

I'd been wanting to see Bondi Tsunami after having heard of it a little while ago. The whole concept, of Australia seen through the eyes of young Japanese surfers, sounded excellent.

But, bloody hell!, was it ponderous. I have never seen a movie that took its own importance so seriously. The pithy zen statements, which made up the dialogue for the first twenty minutes, were laughably bad, the surfing montages were re-used endlessly, and... well, I guess I just didn't really see the point.

It really just seemed to be more like an 80 minute Tropfest movie, where the medium, and the director's cute little tricks, are more important than the message.

I have higher hopes for Le Diner De Cons, the third and final film we rented.

"Those heroes that shed their blood and lost their lives... You are now lying in the soil of a friendly country. Therefore rest in peace.

There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours.

"You, the mothers, who sent their sons from far away countries, wipe away your tears; your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons as well."

Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, 1934

Yesterday, and well into last night, was Ivan's bucks night. We assembled a motley group of 12 together and spent the afternoon in pleasant company, discussing modern literature, poetry, fine wines and other assorted topics close to the modern male.

Ah, who am I fooling? We went on a pub crawl around the eastern suburbs, frightening Sydney matrons everywhere and causing general chaos. Nor was the SCG immune from our alcohol-induced psychosis.

Actually, one only of us succumbed to said psychosis. The rest found it much more entertaining to stay relatively sober and laugh at the carry-ons of the buck.

A month or so ago, a new childcare centre opened near work in North Sydney. To advertise, they hired a young woman to dress up in a clown suit and stand on the corner of Miller and Berry Streets with a sign. In an alternate world, I'm sure she would have been a chugger.

And she was a bright and cheery soul, too! Not an It-type clown ("We all float down here!"), she'd obviously modelled herself on the happy clown from Fairwood^*.

She'd bounce around, in her polka-dot overalls and blonde braided pig-tails, jumping up to the office workers as they made their way to their Super Important Work at the office. "You look so sad! Why don't you smile?" she'd exhort them.

And they studiously ignored her, pretending instead to be watching the little red man on the traffic light on the other side that would let them cross busy Berry Street and get away from this crazy exuberant girl. "I'm much too serious and business-like to smile, can't you see that? I have Important Work with lots of Numbers and Budgets to do and Meetings to attend at The Office, and you're distracting me from thinking about it!" You could almost see their thought bubbles rising above their head^**.

The other day, I saw her again. Standing glumly on the corner of Miller and Berry Streets, still dressed in the same clown outfit. She held a sign in her hands, and leant tiredly against it.

And she was wearing headphones while she studiously ignored the suits walking past her.

She depresses me. If this city can wear even the clowns down, if even they can't be happy and cheerful, then what hope is there for the rest of us?

^* Trust me, the Fairwood logo used to be much more clown-like.

^** Ever notice that people absolutely HATE drawing attention to themselves? They absolutely fricking hate it! So that means that they will NEVER acknowledge a clown bouncing around right next to them. Even if the clown should attack them, rip their arm off and beat them over the head with it, they will endeavour to maintain that same, bored, indifferent look at all times.

It appears as though driving a tram in Melbourne is pretty easy:

Police marvelled yesterday that the youth, who they say stole keys to the tram from a Box Hill depot three weeks ago, had been able to drive the high-tech vehicle from Southbank to Kew.

During the trip the youth, said by police to have "a tram fetish", collected about 15 passengers and twice used a manual metal rod to move track points and change direction. The boy told police he had learnt by watching drivers at work.

One witness, who boarded at Luna Park and rode to Hawthorn, said the teenager treated passengers to a commentary, describing sights along the way. "Tram drivers never make these announcements, that's why I thought it was odd," he said.

The young man is alleged to have stolen another tram from the Southbank depot on Friday night and driven it to Port Melbourne.

Yarra Trams deputy chief Dennis Cliche said he was embarrassed that the teenager had been able to steal two trams within 48 hours. "We are quite shocked," he said. "It is a complicated vehicle to drive. There are safety systems built in that he would have had to study. This is someone who has spent a lot of time and a lot of effort to go about this."

Having one tram stolen is one thing, having two stolen is just plain careless.

And how is it that it takes two years for Sydney train drivers to be trained, while this kid managed to pick up driving a tram by watching the drivers at work?

Police said the boy need not give up on his dream of becoming a tram driver. Detective Senior Constable Barry Hills said: "He's a good lad. I think his obsession just got the better of him."

Mr Cliche said Yarra Trams had a good recruiting policy, and anybody suitable was considered, "provided he's old enough".

It even made the news on Fark.com.

What a win.

This is probably one of the most significant wins Hawthorn has had over the past 10 or so years. What it signifies is that we can beat anyone in the competition. What makes it even more impressive is that Lekkas, Jacobs, Campbell and Nick Holland were out injured.

This season may not be the disaster that was forecast for us after Round 2!

Wow, Kris pointed me to where someone's posted a whole collection of music videos.

If I had to recommend a few here, I'd say run, don't walk and grab:

• I Want To Break Free - Queen (except that one's down)
• Karma Police - Radiohead
• It's Oh So Quiet - Bjork
• Get Free - The Vines
• Hey Ya - Outkast
• Do The Evolution - Pearl Jam
• Around The World - Daft Punk

It's like Rage!