Andrew and Kathleen

Japanese people are incredibly in tune with nature. Witness the start of spring, when the lead item on the news was the countdown until the appearance of cherry blossoms across Japan, as if something like that can be scheduled like a train.

In a similar vein, this week is renowned for hotaru, or fireflies, which appear nightly between 7.30 and 8pm. I'm sure that most people mean 'after dusk', but, given the Japanese love of predictability, got turned into an absolute time for everyone's convenience.

So we found ourselves in Nakayama's Shikinomori (4 Seasons' Forest) Park, fending off a mosquito convoy on Friday night. There were a few other small groups of mostly older middle-aged Japanese, all prepared with their dinners in snack boxes.

As the light slowly faded, the only fireflies to be seen were the red ends of cigarettes. And then, the first one appeared. A tiny white light that turned to yellow and faded as soon as you saw it.

"Aaaaaaah!" gasped the crowd, pointing for the benefit of the kids, more interested in flashlights than a bug with a light in its bum.

The hotaru kept their distance, staying mostly amongst the trees. No more than a handful could be seen at once, and hardly ever close to each other.

We left soon after, and in all the excitemment, I forgot to check my watch to confirm the 8pm finish. Maybe next time.

Had a small gathering at Dale and Jen's on Saturday night for our going-away party. Very sad - we've made some great friends over the past year.

It wasn't all melancholy, though. Dale and Jen's Drunk Arse Neighbour (DAN) popped up outside the window, scaring the daylights out of everyone. He wanted to share some watermelon, but us mean ol' foreigners told him to hit the road. Ursula, whose Japanese is unsurpassed, saved the day by translating "Mate, you're too pissed, sod off" into ultra-polite Japanese. Onya, Urs.

Heading to karaoke, we proceeded to drunkenly board a bus full of unsuspecting Japanese, all of whom disembarked over the next 3 stops. Being able to walk around with an open container of alcohol is nice, but isn't going to make many friends here.

I have some recollections of purikura with some J-teenagers at the Kamoi Taito game arcade, and there was definitely karaoke (we have photographic proof).

Matt and Kim introduced us to a song by Moter Man, a rap version of train announcements from Tokyo's Yamanote train line. Believe me, it was a lot funnier than it sounds.

The photos of both Jen's party and the karaoke, as well as hotaru viewing can be found at this location!

One of the first things you notice about Japan is that people are accustomed to sleeping. Any time. Any where. Especially on trains, or in classrooms. I've had more than a few people fall asleep while sitting next to me on the train, and start nodding on to my shoulder, jerking upright, and then repeating. Apparently I'm not the only one who's noticed the Japanese love of the siesta.

Are available on Kathleen's ikebana page!

We've alluded in the past to the fact that Japan is freaking expensive. Perhaps one perfect indicator of this is an article that I read in the International Herald Tribune the other day.

Japan has a suicide culture; from historical stories about faithful retainers committing harikiri in devotion to their shamed master to today, where unemployed salarymen often see death as a way out of a meaningless life. But very rarely is the financial cost of suicide discussed.

31,957 Japanese people took their own life in 2000, 88 people per day. Each unusual death outside a hospital requires an autopsy, which can cost between Y100,000 and 200,000 depending on the prefecture.

Roughly half of all suicides occur at home - if you are next of kin, pray it isn't a rental property. A thorough house cleaning (Y1 million) is required; rent may continue to be charged until new tenants are found.

Suicides at a hotel incur redocorating and inconvenience fees (Y1 million).

Jumping in front of a train, a dramatic ending, is really expensive. Japan Railway (JR)'s policy is to wait for the police, and halt services. During the morning rush hour, inconveniencing up to 70,000 people, the family of the deceased can be charged up to Y80 million. One family was asked to pay Y140 million, because of a relative who drove his car in front of a bullet train.

Drowning in the ocean, or simply walking into the forest, may invoke a helicopter search. Y1 million per hour.

The article suggests that, if not for yourself, then for your family: DON'T DO IT!

One of the things which really, really, REALLY irritates me about this job is teaching from textbooks which use American English. I'm a total spelling Nazi, so it hurts me deep inside to have to use non-words such as color and Mom. I make little sneering noises whenever the word fall is used instead of autumn, just so everyone knows where I stand. After all, we're not speaking Americish, are we?!

The second year textbook attempts to add some racial diversity to the cast of characters, with the inclusion of Bob Hunter, from Sydney, Australia. You know he's Australian, because he wears a jumper with a kangaroo on it.

But.

Seems Bob hasn't lived in Australia for long, because he has a BIG, FAT, AMERICAN ACCENT!!!! Those cheapskates at New Crown obviously couldn't be arsed to find a bloke with an Aussie accent.

They also were too cheap to buy an atlas. If they had, they'd have found that Australia consists of a north island AND a south island! If there's one thing that ticks me off it's leaving Tasmania off the bloody map.

They have a picture of schoolkids playing cricket, but you can't fool me, New Crown! These little tackers are obviously ring-ins - no true-blue, dinky-di, Vegemite-eating Aussie whippersnapper'd be holding the bat like a flamin' baseball bat! Strewth!

New Crown. What a pack of galahs. Here's what I'm gunna say to those boofheads: Youse can get stuffed!!

This is quite seriously one of the funniest news stories I've ever heard.

The guy was recaptured a few hours later...

David Beckham came to Japan last week, on a promotional visit. Like the guy needs any more promotion here. Apparently, he's so big that the mere mention of his name causes Japanese women to go mental. The crowds at the airport were insane, with those mobile phones with the inbuilt cameras going off left, right and centre.

Of course, one of the first questions at the press conference was "Do you like Japanese food?" (I'm surprised they didn't ask "Do you like natto?") Yes, he does. He wanted some for dinner, but the hotel he was staying at didn't have any, so he had to make do with a burger and chips. Kathleen and I were sitting in stunned silence at this. HOW DUMB DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO GO TO JAPAN AND NOT FIND SUSHI?!? It's EVERYWHERE! You trip over it in the street, there's some fallen behind the back of the couch, you have to look for sushi on the train before you sit down... ok, I'm exaggerating a little. But he obviously didn't look very hard, is all I'm suggesting.

CC Lemon. Or, as the Japanese say, Shi Shi Remon. The song on the ad cracks me up every time I hear it.

Today was my last day at Narusedai Chuo Gakko. I resigned from work on Tuesday, since we will be returning to Australia at the end of July. I was pretty upset about it - I've made a lot of friends at this school, and the teachers and students went out of their way to make me feel welcome.

On the bright side, I have a lot of good memories, and not many bad ones to take back with me.

The Grade 3s had a speaking test this week, where they had to give a short speech to the class on a topic of their choosing. I really like teaching this grade - they're reasonably active, and there are enough comedians in the class to make it interesting.

3E is the easiest class to teach - they seem to 'get it' a lot quicker than the other classes - and their speaking test was today.

It started innocently enough. A few students stood at the front, spoke about their topics and sat down again. Then, Chiaki Kometani gave her speech on volleyball, which concluded with the line "I love volleyball forever!" Fair enough.

Tsuyoshi Sawada was next, and wasn't sure what to talk about (they had over a week to prepare!). "I love baseball forever!" suggested Teppei Imamura, one of the clowns. Tsuyoshi spoke a few words about the school trip to Kyoto and Nara, a common and easy topic. A few seconds of dead air filled the room as he ran out of sentences. "I love baseball forever! Thank you!" he concluded.

Sho Matsubara was next, speaking about basketball and reading books. "I love basketball and reading books forever!" came the cry from the peanut gallery, which was ignored. Then Ayumi Suetake, who plays the saxophone in brass band club.

"I love sax forever!" called out Imamura.

Stop me if you see this coming.

Imamura stopped for a split-second, as he realised the destination of this train of thought. And with a large stage whisper:

"I love sex forever!"

I cracked up.

Yoko Inoue lived about 9 years in Scotland, so of course she has the strangest accent. Her English is also streets ahead of anyone else in the class, and only I understood most of her talk. She sat down to rapturous applause. The audience recognises talent, just not most of her words.

"I am going to talk about my friend. I have known him since 2001. He is in my juku. He has big eyes. He looks like a monkey."

Tasmania was the subject of a documentary on Japan's NHK TV tonight! They spent an hour talking about the red water of Bathurst Harbour, which was something that I didn't know about, even after having lived in Hobart virtually my entire life.

They did a quick flyover of Hobart (you could almost see my house!), which didn't help the homesickness much...

The red water effect is apparently due to the micro-organisms that live in the top 10 metres of water; below this depth, the water is its normal colour. Some of the diving footage was especially spectacular, with the crimson red almost blocking out light from above the surface.

Japanese schools are big on clip art, and the cabinets near my desk are choc-a-block full of books and CDs with clip art. Japanese clip art tends towards the cutesy (as do most things in this country) anime style.

So, you want to see the funniest clip art ever?

Just said "Hi, how are you?" to a student. I'm positive that he said "I'm f***ed", rather than "I'm fine", but it could have just been my imagination. I'm sure they don't know those kinds of words yet...

We were just watching the news tonight; there's some pretty crazy stuff happening at the moment. 10 people dead in 3 murder-suicide incidents, as well as all the recent suicides. It's a safe country, but I reckon under the surface, there's a lot of tension just waiting to be released.

Our TV is bilingual, so you press a button on the remote control and, if the TV show supports it (not many do), you can get the English soundtrack. Which was lucky, because the next segment was one we wouldn't have missed for quids.

Japan's renowned for the rapacious bullying that goes on at schools. Japan is also renowned for their high-tech toilets. How do the two relate?

At Japanese schools, the toilets (even the teachers') have two types - the Asian squattie, and the western sittie (referred to here as 'the big toilet'). When a Japanese boy visits the 'big toilet' at school, he apparently becomes the object of ridicule amongst his peers, because it is quite obvious that he is, according to the news segment, "clearing the bowels". Even now, grown men interviewed by the segment cannot use 'the big toilet', due to their angst-ridden memories. The Japan Toilet Association (I am not making this up) even chipped in with a few tips and ideas.

Sometimes, Japanese news is surreal. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Japan is indeed heaven for videogamers. I've seen some amazing games which will just never be available overseas in Australia or the US. It's frustrating too, that legally-purchased games here will not run on overseas consoles, due to Sony's idiotic region-encoded system.

Akihabara in Tokyo is amazing - all sorts of gadgets and video game stores. I found an interesting article about purchasing stuff like this in Japan.

Narusedai had their sports carnival on the weekend. Japan must be the only place in the world with such attention to detail that they actually practice the sports day, from start to finish, two days before the actual day. From the opening ceremony, including all the races, just to make sure. Nothing is left to chance.

Most of the events are similar to those I had growing up in Australia, but there is a lot more emphasis on group events. Relays include the entire yeargroup, not just 4 runners, and there are team skipping, three-, four- and five-legged races, the 'centipede', and a host of others. Due to space constraints, the javelin and discus are not performed.

The school ground is tiny - so a 100m race actually covers half a circle painted around the edge of the schoolyard. The kids love playing their music over the loudspeakers, to gee up the runners. They play it pretty loud, too, until a teacher comes by and turns it down on them.

Here is the photographic record of the day's events.

Kathleen's a keen ikebana student. You can now see her work.

The popularity of sumo wrestling is on the decline in Japan, as TV games, baseball, and a raft of other interests and activities compete for the 'hearts and minds' (sorry) of the average Japanese boy. At a recent tournament, 5 of the 6 division winners weren't Japanese, with Mongolian and eastern European wrestlers being especially dominant.

One of my students, Shota Anzai, is a fanatical sumo fan, and last Saturday night, we went and watched him train!