Andrew and Kathleen

One of the popular variety shows here in Japan features a guy called Dandy Sakano. His big thing at the moment is...

"Get's!"

A phrase which has no English meaning, and yet is indescribably popular amongst junior high school students. It's merely enough to say the word "Get" in an English lesson for at least 5 students to say "Get's?" For me, it's still amusing, but I know JETs here who have banned it from being uttered in their presence.

You point your fingers out, just like a goal umpire, and say "Get's!". And that's it. That's the joke. Funny, eh?

My teachers were keen for me to say it during my speech at the school's commencement assembly. I vetoed it, though - I didn't want 300 students all saying "Get's!" at me morning, noon, and night.

Dandy has his CD out now. Fittingly, with his interesting grasp of English, it's called "Oh! Nice Get's!". Really.

Yes, there was a pretty big earthquake here in Japan the other day, as widely reported. It could have been much worse, as in Algeria.

Despite the panic, it was good to see local officials have stayed cool under pressure.

Perhaps a little too cool...

A few recent incidents have shown us an interesting side to gender relations here in Japan.

Scene 1
I was eating lunch with the Grade 8 students last Thursday. As usual, I had peanut butter sandwiches (I'm a creature of habit, as well as being lazy, and this is the best I can do at 6.25am), while the students had their bentos, filled with all sorts of cool Japanese foods their mothers had made.

Ozai-kun, one of my best students, innocently asked, "What are you eating?"

"Just some sandwiches," I replied.

"Did Kathleen make these for you?"

"Uh... no. I make my own lunch," I said, looking at him a bit strangely.

Ozai gave me an equally incredulous look.

"Really?"

"Really."

Scene 2
Kathleen teaches Japanese to a lovely middle-aged woman called Hashimoto-san. Hashimoto-san invited Kathleen to dinner last Sunday. Kathleen loves seeing how Japanese people live, and especially how they eat, so she jumped at the chance. But Hashimoto was a bit concerned, given that Kathleen would be there until after dark.

"Is it okay to come back to your home late?" she asked, worriedly.

"Sure, no problem!"

"What about Andrew? Don't you need to cook his dinner?"

Scene 3
One evening's lesson, Hashimoto noticed Kathleen's bento box (a bento box is a small plastic container Japanese people use to take their lunch to school or work), and she pointed it out.

"You have your bento; what about Andrew?"

"He has sandwiches."

"And do you make those for him?" Hashimoto persisted.

"Uh... no. He can make his own lunch."

So if you noticed the common thread is that in Japan, women are expected to make their man's meals, you'd be right on the money. Interestingly enough, this expectation also ties into marriage proposals. There are two ways to propose marriage in Japanese:

Kekkon shite kudasai (Please marry me).

Gohan o tsukutte kudasai (Please make my meals).

Yes, you heard right. Make my meals. So, now I have the defence that it's culturally aware to say "Oi! Woman! Back in the kitchen and make my tea!" Of course, I may not have a woman for much longer with that attitude...

Finally got around to watching the video of yesterday's karaoke. I'm not going to give up my day job. It's amazing how beer gives you the impression that you can sing better than the original.

I'm at home, feeling like death warmed over. Tsurukawa had their sports day yesterday, so I have the day off, which is lucky considering the hangover I currently have.

After the sports day, the teachers had a party at an izekaya (Japanese-style pub) in Machida. Followed by karaoke. Lots of karaoke. And beer. And sake. I took a videocamera to school yesterday, so guess what came out during the karaoke? Guess what Kathleen was laughing her head off at this morning, while I was in the depths of alcohol-induced despair?

Going to karaoke with a group of Japanese people is pretty novel. They EXPECT you to sing something in Japanese. I don't know any Japanese songs, and my reading skills aren't quite up to learning lyrics on the spot. Luckily, they had the theme song from one of my favourite shows here, Atashi 'nchi. Which goes, "Konnichiwa! Arigato! Sayonara! Matta aimasho!" (Hello! Thank you! Goodbye! Let's meet again!) They loved it.

I think the ringing in my ears is due to the tambourines that came from somewhere. Who the hell brought those?!

Every tourist book for Japan emphasises the culture, the history, the aesthetic pleasures of beautiful temples and shrines. It's not all like that. Here's photographic proof.

Homer: If we want to see Japanese people, we could have gone to the zoo.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Tikashi. He's in my book club!

We did see a lot of Japanese people at Zoorasia. Also a lot of other crazy animals. All these photos are here.

The resident fish fanatic (as in gourmet), Kathleen, has written about her trip to Tokyo's Tsukiji Fish Market.

Woken up last night at 1am by the shaking of a level 5 earthquake. Lying on your back, on the floor, in a dark apartment while the doors rattle in their frames, hoping that it doesn't get any worse, is quite a scary experience.

I was trying to think of a funny caption for this picture. Then I realised it's so bizarre, it doesn't need one to make it funnier than it already is.

So as the Aussie abroad, I keep up with the footy, making sure that magnificent team are doing all right in my absence. Unfortunately, they're not travelling well, the old Hawks, but that didn't prepare me for this little poll at afl.com.au. Come on, Geelong's been the most erratic team of the past 15 years, Fremantle are, and probably always will be, crap, and don't get me started on Melbourne. Surely Carlton would have been a better pick for that poll.

In Japan, there's bugger all footy - the sports pages in most Japanese newspapers are US baseball, basketball and Premier League soccer. The only time it has gotten even a brief mention was the brawl last weekend between St Kilda and Footscray. The Clubhouse in Shinjuku has regular TV games, but that's a bit far for a regular trip.

My little cousin Marcus goes for Hawthorn, too. Good on ya, Marcus. When I get back, I'll tell you all about those glory days in the 80s with Dipper, Dermie and Dunstall. Just as long as you don't go traitor like your mum did and start liking thugby. We'll even overlook you going to Hutchins.

What is it about Japan and cults? A few years back the Aum Shinrikyo cult released toxic sarin gas into the Tokyo subway. They're still around, albeit having a hard time recruiting new members, what with their leader being on trial for murder.

Not to worry, though! If you're looking about for a cult to join, but worried about the legal status of Aum, why don't you consider Panawave? Their only legal difficulties are traffic problems, although that could change.

So what does Panawave believe? Just that the world will end this Thursday, and that their white clothes protect them from the electromagnetic waves generated by left-wing guerrillas in Japan as part of a conspiracy to destroy its leadership.

The best bit of the whole affair so far was the psycho Japanese media finding a link to Tama-chan the seal.

The Nikkei might be a quarter of what it was 8 years ago, the economy permanently stuffed, unemployment rising, ranks of young people alienated by the corporate clone 'salaryman' life, but you know what really makes Japanese people mad? It's when they mess with the Doraemon theme. I thought it was better than the old one, which sounded like that god-awful traditional Japanese singing. Now, Asahi TV have changed the theme back. So you can all shut up now and watch Doraemon, secure in the old and familiar tune, comfortably oblivious to everything else going on.

Oh yeah, the new Doraemon movie's web site is here.

An earthquake just hit Tokyo - at home in Yokohama, the apartment shook a little. After our trip to the Tokyo Earthquake Simulator, even the little shakes freak me out. What if they're the precursor to the Big One?

After last weekend's Nikko trip, we've got the trip diary and photos up.

Hiroshima's Peace Site has a link to the copies of most protest letters sent to countries conducting nuclear tests. Hiroshima's mayor sends a protest letter whenever a nuclear test is performed, anywhere in the world. Copies of the letters are cast in bronze, and set into a pillar at the Peace Site museum, and seeing so many sent to, and ignored by, the same rogue nations, the US, Russia, France, Great Britain and China, is surely one of the most depressing exhibits.

Occasionally, we get flyers in our letterbox advertising the local prostitution service. It's amusing to get, not only because it'd never happen anywhere else but Japan, but also because I can't get the image out of my head of the Japanese salaryman sticking it under a fridge magnet next to the pizza coupons.

As you can see on the image, this Japanese woman is different to 90% of the female population here, in that she actually has breasts. Anyway, in case your Japanese is worse than mine (an unlikely situation), it's Y13,000 ($150) for 50 minutes, and you can get your prostitute to dress up like an Office Lady (a generic female company worker, responsible for the photocopying and making tea), or a school girl.

Prostitution in Japan is a serious business, and the J-mafia are heavily involved. Probably best to throw this flyer away.

One way to make yourself feel really, really old is to find out when the Grade 7 kids that you teach were born. This current year's group of first-year high school students were born in 1990/91.

One of the recent crazes to roar through Japanese TV like a hurricane, leaving everyone in its wake asking "Who was that masked man?", is Nan De Da Ro? (Why Oh Why?). These madmen have been popping up on TV virtually every time we've turned the damn thing on. From Japanese game shows, to variety shows, I swear they even made an appearance on last night's movie Virtuosity.

It's comedy at its most raw - confronting the audience with its daring. "Nan de daro?" ask the singers, and the audience must ponder this question. A series of impressions then follow.

As Shingo says, "When the parent use for scolding, song is no longer coolness." Like the Fish Song, this is one trend that should be taken out back and shot.

A lot of so-called Japanese music here is crap, mostly consisting of androgynous males and females whose look is anything but Japanese. The 'new wave' here is young punk, I guess the natural reaction to the SMAPs, Ayumis and Gackts of the world. Bands like Dragon Ash, Kinki Kids and Kick the Can Crew are bigger than big with a lot of students at my Junior High Schools.

Our tastes are a little different. Here are some of the CDs currently on the player here at Chez Kamoi:

Kizu (Acidman) - one of my favourite rock bands here. They have some video promos from their debut album - Tsukuru Hana ga Warau, probably the best song on the album and Aka Dai, their first single.

Tori Kago no Naka (Maki Takamiya) - Some of the songs on the album can be previewed from her website. This is Kathleen's pick - it's a little too slow for me.

i/flancy (Hitomi Yaida) - in a pretty unique move for most Japanese female singers, Hitomi Yaida writes her own songs. The CD is excellent, more of a rock feel than you'd expect.

True Song (Do As Infinity) - Kathleen thought this would be a bit more ballady than it is. Luckily for me, it's not.